Hongkie Town

When I first announced plans to move to Hongkie Town, some people said to me, "wow, you must really like sushi!" "Yeah," I'd answer, "but what does that have to do with it?" I can't tell you over the years how many bits of mail have come to me addressed to "Hong Kong, Japan."

So today, watching the Oscars, they have this off-stage announcer reciting trivia pre-written for her to kill time as the winners made their way to stage. And when Departed won the award for adapted screenplay, she cheerfully announced that it was a remake of the "Japanese film Infernal Affairs." I would have done a spit take only I wasn't drinking anything at the time.

Aside from that gaffe, the only real "surprises" were Alan Arkin beating Eddie Murphy for supporting actor and some German film beating out Pan's Labyrinth for foreign language film. With Warner Bros winning for best picture and best animated feature, it would have been a nice trifecta had Pan also won.

The only thing more boring than the Oscar ceremony would have to be the commercials on TVB. For the pre-game shows and the first hour or so of the Oscars, there were tons of ads, but all of them unpaid ones - idiotic public service announcements and promos for other TVB shows. Eventually there were paid ads for a jobs web site and a Brit singer.

The ads that TVB produced for themselves were so godawful that it was beyond belief. The one most often shown was to promote the prime time repeat of the Oscars. First of all, if you're watching the show, why the hell would you watch the repeat? The ad itself featured some tacky family sitting at a dining table. The maid comes to remove the plates and the husband and wife inform her that she has to leave the food on the table because the Oscars will be re-shown later. I think this ad was written by a seven year old.

They were promoting the fuck outta Ugly Betty but for some reason did not show any footage of the actual show. With the local premiere less than a month away, I can't imagine that they didn't have footage to show. Instead they'd spent money to take some local actress, fit her with fake braces, dress her in some approximation of Betty, and have her stand in the street and scream at people that "ugly is the new beautiful." This looks like it was written and directed by nine year olds.

Most inexplicably, they had multiple ads for Prison Break, and while one featured clips from the show itself, another featured specially shot footage in high contrast, grainy black and white of HK people standing in wet alleys trying to look like they had just broken out of prison. What was the point of spending the money to produce this? This one looked like it was written by an eight year old and shot by an older, somewhat talented sibling.

All of that may pale, however, next to a PSA asking people to drive courteously. The ad featured humans dressed to look like the kind of stuffed toys you might win at a carnival. So there was a mini-bus driven by a giant rabbit and a car driven by a giant dog and so on. This looks like it was written by a four year old.

Another ad featured a bartender handing a beer to an invisible customer and a pregnant woman sitting on a sofa and crying. This turned out to be an ad suggesting people quit smoking. This was nicely shot and cut but the content only a tenuous connection to the message, especially since every bar I go to still allows smoking. (Note that the new Bulldogs in Wanchai is 100% non-smoking. I shall not be returning there.)

It's one thing for TVB to create stupid ads but these PSAs are examples of my tax dollars "at work" - wasting money creating useless nonsense.

Or is the cultural divide so vast that I don't understand that this kind of thing will actually attract the attention and engage the interest of local adults?

But, should I be faulting our local officials for creating such stupid content when my fellow countrymen don't have a fucking clue where Hong Kong is?

No, not quite.

Last night, as mentioned, wanted to go out and get wasted, and debated on awhile on where, what, how. Finally decided that it would be best to compromise, so brought T with me but went to Neptune. Ran into Lost Horizons and someone I knew from my banking days.

Not having been to Neptune in at least a couple of weeks, a lot of old faces and some new ones. One girl in particular "stood out." Long hair, cute face, and a nose that looked like it had been surgically altered. But that wasn't it. She was wearing this dress over a see-thru mesh top, and while for most of the night she was keeping that mesh covered, as the night wore on and she remained alone, she adjusted things so that the mesh was uncovered, revealing underneath a very large pair of breasts barely covered by a flowery print lacy bra. I could not help but look, often. I decided that the breasts were most likely also surgically enhanced, but they were lovely to look at.

Then over comes this Filipino girl I know, having drank with her at Galaxy and Laguna. Her deal is either that she's just working for drink commissions or that she's got no interest in fucking me, even for money. She was wearing a bikini top, denim shorts cut down to the bare minimum, knee high boots. Since she came over and grabbed me, I did introduce her to T, explaining that I'd drank with her in the past but "never boom boom with her." T probably didn't believe me. And then V came by, a Filipino I've known in the biblical sense, very large breasts and very short skirt and boots. And others.

I knew another drink or two and temptation might take control of me, make me do something that would lead to either regret or a fight later on. So I figured that the only way out of this, short of leaving the bar, was to retreat to a table in the back where my view would be limited (but where T could easily see me). I ended up talking with an older English guy. T came over, I said "this is my new friend," and she whispered in my ear that the guy was "disgusting" and that she'd tell me later.

(Today she told me he was a retired HK cop and that back in the day, he'd buy the girls some drinks, take 'em home and fuck 'em, and then refuse to give them any money, telling them he was a cop and if they gave him trouble he'd arrest them.)

The rest of the night is kind of a blur. T said we should get some girl and bring her back with us, I told her I was drunk past the point of functioning (or even caring) in that area. I think at one point I told her that she was a lousy drunk. That when I drink, I'm just more "me" but that her personality completely changes when she's drunk.

We made it home. I think she tried to make some sort of fuss or something but I just fell asleep within minutes. She asked me this morning if she said anything last night and I said I had no idea.

Came home tonight, checked the (snail) mail, and discovered that I am now officially divorced.

A man only gets divorced a few times in his life - generally one less time than number of marriages. I'm hoping that for me this is the last time.

Called my newly ex wife to tell her the news. She said congratulations and that she was going out to celebrate. I suppose I'll do something along those lines as well.

Yeah, I know, not much posting activity. Back to work, getting back up to speed after the extended weekend.

In the midst of planning a three week long business/vacation trip for March. It seems that Cathay still has this deal where an around the world, multi-stop business class ticket is roughly the same price as a simple business class HK/LA trip. Business schedule will mean a lot of zig zagging. A few days in New York visiting family, a week of business in Los Angeles, a couple of days somewhere in Europe (never been anywhere except various spots in the UK and Amsterdam - what's a good place for me, on my own, for 2 or 3 days? London which I've been to a thousand times, but can spend my time immersed in bookshops and CD stores, or some Wanchai-like Eastern European zone?), and then several days in Mumbai for business before returning home. So I'm a little pre-occupied with the logistics for that.

And finally lots of new music to catch up on. Most recent albums loaded onto the iPod include !!!, Apples in Stereo, Arcade Fire, Beirut, Bloc Party, Bryan Ferry, Dexy's, Duke Special, Fall Out Boy, Good Bad & Queen, Hours, Jesse Malin, Kaiser Chiefs, Klaxons, Long Blondes, Mika, Scott Matthews, Shins. I hope some of it doesn't suck.

Thinking about going to the HK Underground thing tonight. Also still debating on going to see Muse. Just noticed that Duke Robillard will be in town in March, but that will be while I'm away.

Trying to watch as many of the Academy Award nominated films as possible before Monday morning. Watched Babel last night. Innaritu is a consummate film maker but I'm convinced that Babel equals less than the sum of its parts. Have also watched Departed and Little Miss Sunshine. Gotta watch Dreamgirls, Queen, Last King of Scotland, Venus, etc. (no good copies of Letters From Iwo Jima floating around for some reason) in the next coupla days ... but might detour and watch Christopher Guest's marvelous For Your Consideration again.

This post being written on my new PC. The build went smoother than any previous one. After I finished the assembly, I plugged it in and everything worked first time out. I suppose it's possible I've gotten better at this as time goes by. Twas not always thus.

I'm sure some people will gladly secondguess my choices, but here's what I went for:

• Intel Dual Core E6600 chip
• Asus P5B motherboard
• 2 gigs RAM
• Cooler Master Centurion case
• Cooler Master Extreme Power 430 watt power supply
• Asus EN7600 GT video card (since I don't play any 3D games, I expect this to suffice)
• Lite On 20x dual layer DVD burner

(I already had a spare 500 gig SATA drive lying around and moved my Creative X-Fi sound card over from the old PC.)

They tried to sell me on getting Vista but no thanks. WinXP Pro will do fine for me until Microsoft releases the first service pack of Vista bug fixes. And this was one of the two things they didn't have in stock (they had to toss some cash at someone and have him run to some other shop to get it). And it seemed like no open shop had a 4-PC KVM/USB switch in stock. So that's gotta wait a day.

In the meantime, with most of the software I need installed, certain tasks are definitely moving ahead noticeably faster. And now I'm able to devote the second PC to full time DVD burning, CD ripping, file format conversions, etc.

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Watched The Prestige the other day. I think it's far more ambitious than the similarly themed The Illusionist, which came out around the same time. Some people preferred the Edward Norton film and I would guess that's because it has a more traditional story, easier to follow and figure out. Whereas The Prestige comes from Christopher Nolan, who of course did Memento (and the last Batman movie). Note that the great Ricky Jay is credited in both films as a technical advisor but only actually appears onscreen in Prestige.

(Also note that Ricky Jay has a new CD out, a compilation called Ricky Jay Plays Poker. It includes a 21 song CD of poker-inspired songs, a DVD of Jay doing some close-up card magic, a 72 page book and a deck of cards.)

Warning - Potential Spoilers Ahead! The Prestige's structure is problematic. It's hard to keep track with flashbacks within flashbacks within flashbacks and I think this should have been fixed a bit - not entirely straightened out but it's more complex than it needs to be. Or is that purposeful misdirection? The key to the movie, as other reviewers have noted, is the first four words of dialog - are you watching closely? With that in mind, it's relatively simple to figure out Christian Bale's secret, and the end of the film flashes back to all of the earlier clues. But the film dispenses too quickly with Hugh Jackman's secret at the end, probably even more horrific and deserving of a bit more screen time itself. The full extent of what he has done is not completely explained, only hinted at, and yet, it's the contemplation of his deed that makes the movie stay with me.

Oh, and Bowie acquits himself nicely as Nikola Tesla.


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Lunch today with a friend who said he thinks everyone misses the "old Spike." I told him I'm not even living the "old Spike" lifestyle anymore - well, not as much anyway.

And in the last couple of days, a couple of heavy things have come my way. One potentially is good news but it's weeks or months too soon to even begin to discuss it. The other was T opening up to me with more tales of her past and all I'll say is it's amazing what people can live through and survive, the way life can mark us and damage us and yet we go on.

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Speaking of movies, a bit of googling has turned up a new DVD release of Devil's Express, the first film that I worked on (as production assistant and actor). (Fittingly, it's the bottom part of a double bill on a budget DVD release.) I've even found places online selling the poster and lobby cards.

And then, much to my surprise, I found a DVD for the second film I worked on (assistant cameraman and, um, body double), as well as the poster and the press kit.



Of course, the third (and last) feature film that I worked on is readily available .....

Sunday night, I hadn't slept much, maybe just 4 or 5 hours, and woke up almost hourly. Monday night, dinner party at a friend's flat. After two glasses of wine and a couple of plates' worth of food, I was wiped out. Almost everyone was sitting around the table talking. There weren't enough chairs for everyone and I was sharing a chair with T. There were a couple of people plopped on a sofa in front of the TV watching some terrible movie on Cinemax with the sound off. I joined them and within a few minutes I was asleep. It's even possible that I was snoring. I didn't sleep for more than 10 or 15 minutes but still, like, ya know?

My new favorite sign in Hongkie Town:


Oh, just put an ad on Geoexpat for the 29 inch Sony Trinitron TV. I did have a couple of enquiries the last time I mentioned it here but none serious, it would seem. Here's a photo. In the ad, I'm asking for $3,000 "or best reasonable offer."

Friday night, our first dinner party. Four people over for dinner and T cooked enough for ten. Let's see, there was soup, a couple of fried fish, fried beef, morning glory, crab and prawn fried rice, clams and some other stuff I've forgotten as well as some store-bought Thai desserts and fruit. To be honest, I think she's done better in the past, but our company claims to have enjoyed it. And I came to the realization that we're okay to have two people over but more than that and it's a real stretch in terms of dishes, cutlery, serving bowls, glasses and so on. Oh sure, we have, as long as no one notices that nothing matches.

Saturday night, we went out separately, late, and I ran into someone I didn't expect to see in HK. Bounced back and forth between Wanchai and Lan Kwai Fong (which was the busier spot). Bulldog's Wanchai branch is now open. Insomnia wasn't letting anyone into the back room to see the band unless they bought a drink at the front bar first - the back was packed tight anyway.

Sunday afternoon, watched the standard DVD version of 2001 on the 40 inch LCD TV. Wow. Even though I know this movie shot-by-shot by heart, it felt like I was watching it for the first time in 30 years. Then off to the dog run in Happy Valley for awhile. (Vaguely funny note: lots of taxis park around this area, the drivers getting ready to start their shifts. And T knew one of the taxi drivers, said he goes to Neptune all the time.)

Dinner time, we went down to Lan Kwai Fong. As I expected, more than half the places were closed. And since it was early, most of the open places were pretty vacant. We settled into Post 97 for dinner and T announced that of all the fereng food places I've brought her to in HK, this was by far the best. And I gotta say, there's a reason they've lasted so long when so many other places have come and gone. Two courses plus a glass of house wine for $250 is a pretty good deal. T had seared tuna with angel hair pasta followed by fried halibut with steamed crawfish and risotto. I went for parma ham with marinated artichokes and rocket and then grilled king prawns and scallops with mashed potatoes, which may not sound that exciting but the sauce was fabulous.

Posters up around LKF for a Gatecrasher night at Western Market tomorrow night, star is Matt Darey. Tempting but not sure I can do an all-nighter these days.

Back home, fell asleep watching the Chinese New Year Night Parade on TVB. Two things struck me about Donald Tsang's Henry Tang's opening speech. (thanks to anon commenter who set me straight on this one. my bad.)

The first is when he said he hoped everyone would enjoy this "world class event." Note that when an event is truly "world class," there is usually no need to announce it as such. "Welcome to the Olympics! We hope you enjoy this world class event!" I don't think so.

The second maybe isn't fair, but I'll say it anyway. The man has a really funny voice. Definitely not the voice of a "world class" leader. Would be interesting to see him interviewed by Borat or Ali G.

Monday or Tuesday, planning to build a new PC. I think.

Crank. Starring Jason Statham. This movie is horrific in so many ways, none of them good, and yet the entire thing adds up to a really enjoyable bit of Grade Z mindless movie fun.

This film, directed and written by the team of Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor is going to land near the top of my guilty pleasures list. I suppose, based on their style, that they direct music videos. And I also suppose, based on their style, that Tony Scott is their film-making god. The plot has hitman Statham injected with some "synthetic Chinese shit" that will kill him in an hour. There is no antidote and the only way to extend his life is for him to keep his adrenaline level cranked.

In the extras, there's a bit where someone says that they are trying to show stuff that no one's showed onscreen before. And in that sense, I believe they succeed. Statham finds several unique ways to pump up his adrenaline while hunting down the man who killed him. These include:

1 - Fucking his girlfriend on the street in front of a huge crowd (including a tour bus filled with Asian schoolgirls) in L.A.'s Chinatown.

2 - Apparently, being chased by two cars with machine-gun-firing baddies isn't exciting enough for him so his girlfriend leans over and gives him a blowjob while he's driving and shooting. Most considerately, she brings him almost to the point and then stops, saying, "what, and have you fall asleep after like you always do?"

Actually my favorite bit is when this bad guy is about to shoot his friend, he cuts off the guy's hand with a meat cleaver, and then, his own gun out of ammo, picks up the hand so he can shoot the bad guy.

But with all of that, the oddest bit is this: every time he's going from one location to another, the film zooms out to a satellite view, complete with a copyright notice for the satellite image on the bottom center of the screen and the Google logo in the bottom right corner. This may well be the single oddest bit of product placement I've ever seen in a feature film.

I shelled out for the Blu-Ray version of this disc. The 1080p resolution is very nice for all the different film stocks and all of the computer- and film-lab-assisted visual tricks.

And Jason Statham, once so promising in Lock, Stock and now doing all these low grade, low budget grinders? At least so far he's consistently picking entertaining ones to do.

And once again, home.

Useless observation of the day:

Whenever I fly, I always find myself hoping as I board the plane that I will find myself seated next to a beautiful young woman. Or a beautiful older woman. Or a woman who is still breathing and not yet at the adult diaper stage of life.

Generally I get seated next to a man and often it's a man who does not speak English. The last time I got seated next to an attractive woman capable of carrying on a decent conversation in English (and who gave me her phone number) was around 1998.

This fantasy especially comes to mind on days like today, when the Seoul airport seemed to be filled with women of eastern European extraction, most of them bottle blonds wearing jeans several sizes too small.

Now I'll also note that since I'm a Marco Polo gold member, I get to board the plane on the business class line even though I'm usually flying economy. And that means I'm usually one of the first people to reach my seat in that section.

Today, a chatty stewardess greeted me and I was friendly in return. And then, lo and behold, a young female comes and claims the seat next to me. Not beautiful, but far from horrendous.
She appeared to be Filipino. She appeared to be pleased to find me in the seat next to hers.

And then, prior to take-off, the afore-mentioned chatty stewardess came by to do me a "favor." She told me there are empty rows further back and that I can move now and stretch out across several seats.

Moment of crisis. Since I hadn't really started talking with my seat-mate yet, it seemed like too obvious a ploy to tell the stewardess, "no thanks, I'll stay scrunched up here so I can annoy the stranger next to me." And so I gathered up my stuff and moved. I turned to the lady next to me and said, "I'm going to move further back to stretch out, so you can stretch out too." Call me nuckin' futs but I could swear I saw a look of disappointment on her face.

I moved to the row the stewardess indicated. Across the row from me was a Korean man who insisted on yelling at the guy in the row in front of me for most of the flight. The stewardess never came over to see how I was doing and chat some more.

So that was that. I watched the latest episodes of Lost and American Idol, took a nap, read a bit of a book I recently bought that I don't think I will finish.

My life is just one long series of self-contrived tragedies, innit?

Sometimes I'll book a limo to take me home from the airport. This time, with a 6:15 PM landing, I went for the train + taxi combo. On arrival at IFC, there were long queues and no taxis.

So I went upstairs, had a smoke and then looked to flag down a taxi dropping off passengers for the train. Many others had the same idea, so I crossed the street to the mall entrance, joined the queue there, and had a taxi after about a 20 minute wait.

The driver informed me that because Chinese New Year is near, the locals are all out shopping tonight for new clothes to wear and traffic is horrible everywhere. Causeway Bay is mobbed, he said, and he didn't want to go anywhere near CWB, Happy Valley, TST, Yau Ma Tei or Mong Kok tonight.

Then he started talking about the 1980s for some reason. How back then there were less taxis and drivers could pick and choose their passengers. Drivers would refuse short trips, just 5 bucks on the meter back then. The Japanese figured out what to do ... they'd stand in the street and wave $20 or $100 bills to get the taxis to stop for them. Now there are too many taxis and some "evil men" are offering discounts on the meter and he hopes the government puts a stop to that.

In other news, looks like India trip postponed to April. My company's got a global meeting coming up in L.A. in March. Everyone is telling me they have seen my name on the list, but so far no one has actually told me I need to go. Let's see, one afternoon at Amoeba Records, a coupla hours at Book Soup, a half-decent pastrami on rye and a decent burrito and In N Out Burger ... plus 5 days of torturous meetings followed by a swing over to Da Bronx to see my mother. Is it worth it? Oh horse poo.

Ah well, not every post can be gold.

Inspired by this post at Loose Wire, I decided to do a search on Wikipedia for me. Inputting my real name, of course there's no page there for me. But what I wanted to see was what their search engine considered to be relevant results on that search. Using just my first and last name gave me a result set that included:

• Artists United Against Apartheid
• Bloodsport II: The Next Kumite
• Timeline of knowledge about galaxies, clusters of galaxies, and large-scale structure
• Ed Gein
• List of films at the 2007 Sundance Film Festival
• Falun Gong
• Circus clown

Using my first, middle and last name, I got an almost completely different set of results that included:

• List of Ashkenazi Jews
  
• List of University of Cambridge members
• List of members of the National Academy of Sciences
• List of European folk music traditions

What can I say? So close it's spooky. I might dispute "circus clown" yet I'm sure that some of my readers would zero in on that one in particular, perilously ignoring the link to Bloodsport ...

Okay, title too obvious? Couldn't resist.

This morning on the way to the office, on the train, standing, facing a row of seats all occupied by girls in their 20s, all desperately catching a few minutes of extra sleep on their way into the office. Wonder what they did the night before.

I only have to go outside for a few minutes at a time today, fortunately. I can hit the subway from the hotel without going outside and on the other end it's just a short walk from the subway exit to the office building. The place we choose for lunch is less than a block away. Yet each of these short sprints leaves me gasping from the frozen wind that seems to be hitting me from all directions. At least I have an excuse, having acclimated to HK's semi-tropical climate. But everyone here seems miserable from the weather. Everyone is dressed in black or grey and everyones' faces seem devoid of expression. This weather, it would seem, is bringing down everyone, not just me.

In the office, no one takes me seriously when I ask why they don't just take the entire country and push it further south.

I also ask the locals for their opinion on the news from the north. While some choose to trumpet this as a badly needed victory for the Bush administration, the South Koreans have a more cynical (and perhaps more appropriate view). They say the North Koreans have proven to the world that they are prepared to go to great extremes and that when they do, the rest of the world always backs down. We are ready to shower money and even possibly diplomatic recognition on this pariah state and yet we claim that we don't negotiate with terrorists? Hah!

Late afternoon, walking around the Coex Mall, I finally spot some attractive females - most of the women are so bundled up and so gray in the face from the cold that it's hard to picture them in summer smiling mode. But several are wearing short skirts (or, egad, "city shorts"), many choosing to pair them with socks pulled up over their knees. Of course they don't notice me at all.

The other thing I notice walking through this mall is some of the most discourteous walking I've ever encountered. People come at you five across and no one makes room, they slam into you and keep on going without a word or a look. The old joke that has the punchline, "and the South Korean says, I don't understand, what does 'excuse me' mean?" has never seemed truer.

In the shops, sales people bow and then silently follow me around. I know they are trying to be respectful and helpful, and perhaps it's better than other places where people jibber and jabber and shove things in your face, but as I browse through shops dedicated to Nike, Converse, Apple, Samsung, it's just plain unsettling.

It's after 1 AM now and I'm wide awake. For some reason, my internet connection is grinding to a halt, about 90% slower than it was last night or this morning. I think the cold weather has even frozen the intertubes.

I'm so friggin' bored that I'm contemplating hopping a taxi and re-investigating the disco dungeons and hostess bars of Itaewon. Except I know that would mean having to walk around on the street in this weather and so I can't bring myself to lace up my sneaks.

So I'll leave you tonight with a link to a video you should check out. It's Justin Timberlake and it's the 9:22 "director's cut" for What Goes Around, written by Nick Cassavetes (who wrote Blow and directed The Notebook and Alpha Dog) and it co-stars Scarlett Johansson. The NY Times last week had an article on how:

Youthful urbanites who normally wouldn’t admit to filling their iPods with anything remotely Top 40, let alone the music of a performer who can sell out Madison Square Garden, as Mr. Timberlake, 26, did for tonight’s show, are suddenly unashamed of their copies of “Justified,” his first solo album, or “FutureSex/LoveSounds,” his recent chart-topper produced by Timbaland. Members of the Flaming Lips, Coldplay and Keane have come to his shows, and his music is a staple of cooler-than-thou fashion week. ... “Believe it or not Justin Timberlake has some major fans in the anarchist punk community."

And a bonus link to the video for the song Grace Kelly by Mika, from his splendid album Life in Cartoon Motion. The video is just okay but check out the song, the best bit of pop music that's crossed my path in weeks. Half Lebanese, half American, based in London, his voice is somewhere between Robbie Williams and Freddie Mercury and he's so talented that everyone is assuming he's gay.

And a quote from the director, John Waters - “Downloading is stealing, but it’s not the same. You don’t need a special coat to download a song. You needed a special coat to steal records. Especially albums.”

For starters, free upgrade to business class on CX on the flight to Seoul. The luxury of being able to stretch one's legs fully, not worried about the person in front reclining their chair into your face, some real food (at least in terms of the non-cooked items). Should I be grumpy because the plane was one of CX's few remaining "old" business class planes? Nah.

At the hotel, no more standard rooms with king size beds, so upgraded to a "junior suite." It's not exactly a suite, but it is sweet, a very large room complete with 36 inch wide screen LCD TV. Also no king size bed, two twin beds. Should I be grumpy? Nah.

But temperature is just above freezing, and it's pouring down rain. It's dark, wet, cold, depressing. Two hours from the airport to the hotel because the rain further screwed up traffic that on its best day makes Bangkok streets look vacant.

All I've done since I got here was run out to 7-11 for some snacks, order up some room service, watch a movie, take a shower.

And you know, tomorrow night could be along similar lines. I'm not gonna spend the money for taxis to and from Itaewon to avoid fights with American servicemen or to deal with rip-offs from Russian and Filipino hookers that got old in Wanchai ten years ago. I'm not gonna go to JJ's at the Hyatt only to come out at 2 in the morning to find that it's -5 degrees, raining and the nearest taxi five miles away. There is the bar at this hotel - Filipino band, almost empty otherwise, waiters staring at you thinking, "stupid white guy, doesn't know where to go to find a decent bar in a town where everyone gets completely shit-faced after 7 PM."

I've been coming to Seoul for 12 years and I stopped trying to have fun here about three years ago.

So home on Thursday, and hopefully I won't be walking into the Wrath of T when she realizes that I was away on a business trip during Valentine's Day. But I had to be here and it had to be this week and I will try to make it up to her.

In lieu of written content, a few recent pics. Too lazy to use Flickr, I suppose.

From the 28th floor of the Shan-gorilla Hotel, this section of Manila looks kinda nice, don't it? That's kinda the tale end of Makati, with Rockwell off to the right, and the "infamous" P. Burgos bar strip kinda tucked away in there somewhere.

A slightly closer view of the Peninsula Hotel. Note how one wing of the Pen has a helicopter landing and the central part of the hotel has a sign saying "do not land here."


The Ferris Wheel at the HK World Carnival.


Slightly fuzzy view of the fair, from the Ferris Wheel.


Three shots of one of the more extreme rides. This thing spins in circles, goes up and down, and you get turned upside down while you're spinning. This is fun?

Purchased XBOX and HD-DVD drive on Saturday. Have not had a chance to do detailed comparison between HD and BR. Even though the XBOX can only output 1080i and not 1080p, it looks fabulous.

Saturday night, HK "World Carnival." Not entirely sure what was so global about it except that a lot of the rides had German writing on them. I don't believe that a contraption that spins you around in circles and turns you upside down has any useful purpose except if one is training to be an astronaut. Fortunately, the male half of the other couple that attended with us feels the same way. So we stood off to the side and watched cute girls (well, I did) while our girlfriends waited on line and then were violently shaken in various directions.

Did a few of the games (since admission includes 30 tokens per person for the games) and won three small stuffed dolls.

It was crowded (lines for the bigger rides were an hour wait or longer) and everyone was having a good time. Making this installation permanent would be a far better use of the land than turning into some monument for Donald Tsang's ego that no one wants except for him and the construction tycoons who will benefit from the work.

By the way, what's up with the fashion for women this winter? HKers tend to dress by the calendar, not the weather, but this winter is so warm that it seems to have thrown everyone into fashion disarray. Most women I spotted at the carnival were wearing shorts and boots. Do any of them actually bother to look in a mirror after getting dressed and before going out?

Sunday afternoon at the Happy Valley dog run followed by yakitori dinner at Nanbantei. Waitress surprised that we order two sticks of chicken skin. "Normally men don't like that." T surprised me by suggesting to the waitress that I might want to try the waitress's skin - I don't think she realized the way it came out, it would have meant her skin stuck on a skewer and grilled. Anyway, aside from chicken skin, asparagus wrapped with pork, prawn with chicken skin, chicken with onion, shiitake mushroom stuffed with chicken, giant prawn, beef tongue, duck tongue.

Grammy awards. Dixie Chicks take album of year, record of year, song of year, country album of year. Clearly the awards have little to do with relative merit, it is the record industry showing support about a year or two too late for a group that publicly dissented with the policies of the resident of the White House.

While reading the Standard during lunch today, some stuff caught my eye.

"China's blueprint for managing its foreign reserves is assuming tangible shape with draft proposals for two high- powered investment bodies." Interesting to note that of the two investment bodies in Singapore, the chairmen of one is Lee Kuan Yew and the CEO of the other is Lee's daughter-in-law, married to the current PM, Lee's son. So does China plan to replicate that element as well?

Stanley Ho's new casino opened. After publicly moaning about how the other casinos were taking business and staff away from him, I figured it all served him right. His other casinos were all dark depressing places filled with prostitutes trolling for business (okay, I don't mind that bit so much) and croupiers who helped themselves to bits of your winnings. No free drinks, no entertainment, just hardcore gambling complete with people waiting to jump you outside the casinos and steal your winnings.

Oddly enough, on the page opposite to the Ho article is a full page, badly written ad for the new joint. The ad mentions that this new hotel will be an international dining "Mecca." But unlike the other hotels that are following the Vegas model to bring in chefs of global reknown, the new Grand Lisboa is only promising a southern Italian outpost of (what they say is) a Michelin three star restaurant from Napoli and a variety of Chinese food, including a bowl of soup noodles with a single noodle 10 meters long. The ad states that the "wine cellar alone" holds 3,000 bottles of wine. Why the word "alone"?

Well, good or bad, put another checkmark in the "competition is good column," because Ho never would have parted with the bucks to build this thing if he wasn't facing stiff competition from the other casinos.

And while he's not saying it, since overall gambling revenues in Macau are up significantly and since he still owns a large chunk of that pie, I suspect his revenues are up as well, despite all his girly moaning.

Elsewhere, a "Christian group" called the Hong Kong Sex Culture Society claims to have polled 943 tertiary school students and found that the majority of them say they plan to wait until they get married before they have sex. Somehow I feel this is not a representative group and that this "society" is pusing some sort of hidden agenda. Either that or it's because HKers seem to marry earlier than westerners, so it's not like they're waiting till they're 30.

Me, I'm off to Seoul tomorrow. I'll be away for Valentine's Day. It not only means I won't be spending Valentine's Day with T, it also means that I can't ask anyone from the office to take me out for dinner that night. Do I go for barbecue by myself or take the easy way out and have a plate of crap at TGI Fridays?

The novel Kirsten Rising (aka Wanchai Chronicles 2) by Svend Christiansen is now available online at his blogsite, Wanchai Chronicles.

I did enjoy his first book on Wanchai (the text of the first book is also available at his site) and think this will probably be a good read as well. I just haven't had the time to read it yet. I'm providing the link here because I did like the first, and also because it seems lately quite a few people are coming here via a link there.

Set against the backdrop of exotic Southeast Asia, the second volume of The Wanchai Chronicles continues the thrills as it tells the tale of Kirsten Haugaard, an American widow facing a charge of conspiring to murder her successful and prominent husband.

In 2000, at the height of the technology investment boom, American venture capitalist Karl Haugaard and his wife, Kirsten, embark on a holiday to Thailand’s tropical island of Phuket. Kirsten desperately wants her husband to love and desire her and, together with Karl, begins to cautiously experience amorous evenings with strangers. A year later, Karl is dead from an apparent suicide and Kirsten is still reeling from the shocking discovery that, unbeknownst to her, her husband had carried on an adulterous affair with his teenage domestic helper. Suddenly, Kirsten is a suspect in Karl’s murder and with the Hong Kong High Court closing in on an indictment, Kirsten’s therapist forces her to look back on this defining experience in search of the truth about her husband’s death.

Follow the twists and turns of Kirsten’s Asian adventure as she experiences a torrid love affair and a near-perfect scheme to avenge a heartbreaking betrayal that ultimately brings this story to a disquieting conclusion.

Anyway, good luck Svend, keep 'em coming!

Around 1984 or so, I purchased my first CD player. I made a list of about 10 albums that I thought I'd want on CD and got those. Since I did not have an expensive stereo system or monster speakers, I was amazed at how much better the CDs sounded. I would stare at this wall of about 5,000 vinyl LPs and 10 CDs and think to myself, "I have nothing to play."

Unfortunately, I lived in walking distance of Tower Records. And ended up walking there almost every night. And buying CDs. Eventually, to lessen the financial impact, I opened a CD store.

I was wondering if HD DVDs would have the same mental impact on me. (At least this time I am already working for a company that is releasing HD discs, so I can get some for free.)

At the moment I can only play Blu-Ray. I did some spot comparisons on titles where I have both the regular version and the Blu-Ray version. Yes, indeed, the Blu-Ray is noticeably better. And yet, it didn't seem all that much better. Not enough to make me want to replace my entire collection (which is, at this point, impossible anyway).

I picked an older title, "Blazing Saddles." The disc outputs 1080p, although what sort of preparation went into the making of the digital master I cannot say. I have this sinking feeling that within 2 or 3 years there will be "newly remastered" and upgraded editions of the titles that are reaching the market now. It will probably be like CDs - initial version, "digitally remastered" version, then "legacy edition" with bonus tracks, then "legacy edition" with bonus tracks and bonus DVD, and so on.

At any rate, I chose the classic fart scene from Blazing Saddles. What I noticed was that the detail on the objects was much clearer, much sharper. The hunk of bread in the bowl of beans was easy to make out on the regular DVD, but turned into food porn on the Blu-Ray disc. But did having sharper bread do anything to increase my enjoyment of that scene? No, not really.

And so far, there are no additional bonus features on the Blu-Ray discs compared to the regular discs.

I may go out and buy the XBOX this weekend, since I now have a handful of HD DVDs as well. I'd like to compare the BR vs. the HD and see if my tired old eyes can spot any difference.

Of course, one question is which format will eventually win? Right now, indications are that BR is ahead - especially in markets like HK where the Playstation is outselling the XBOX.

(Why this focus on game machines to play movies? Well, I came across a very detailed comparison on some web site, sorry lost the link, between a top end BR player and the PS3, and strictly as a video player, the PS3 won that shootout.)

(Why not the combo player for LG? First of all it costs more than the PS3 and XBOX combined. Secondly the HD DVD association is refusing to certify the LG player because it does not fully conform to the HD DVD spec - it cannot handle the interactive features.)

And basically, going from a 29 inch 4:3 CRT style TV to a 40 inch 16:9 LCD TV, everything looks better, even local broadcast TV.

Another short historical tale, cause at the moment not much goin' on.

When I moved to HK, I'd already been using chopsticks for almost 20 years, so that was not a problem for me. My ex-wife is Chinese, from Malaysia as I'm sure I noted many times before, and she used to say that I was better with chopsticks than she was. How did this happen?

After graduating college ("university" to you Brits), my first job was as a production assistant on a low budget film called "The Devil's Express." The budget was under US$50,000, yet it was shot on 35mm stock and had sync sound. The star was an actor named Warhawk Tanzania. The most famous person in the cast was Brother Theodore, an avant garde comic in the Lord Buckley mode.

(Check his Wikipedia listing, linked above, for some of his memorable quotes. "I'm looking for a rich widow of 13, the perfect portable mistress." "All the great spiritual leaders are dead .... Moses is dead .... Muhammed is dead .... Buddha is dead .... and I'm not feeling so hot myself!" "Only what we have lost forever do we possess forever. Only when we have drunk from the river of darkness can we truly see. Only when our legs have rotted off can we truly dance. As long as there is death, there is hope")

The plot was about some American who goes to China, explores a cave, finds a shiny necklace and returns with it to America. The necklace belonged to some ancient Chinese monster. The monster follows the American back to New York trying to retrieve it. It hides in the subway tunnels (because they're dark like his cave) and attacks anyone wearing a necklace until finally it is destroyed by a gang of African-Americans skilled in kung fu.

Yes that's right, it was a kung fu blaxploitation monster movie. (If you check the listing on IMDB, the credits are right but the artwork is for a different movie and the link to a DVD on Amazon is a different movie with the same name.)

This was mostly shot in subway tunnels in Brooklyn. There is one train station there that is unused and reserved for film and TV production. Most of the budget went to securing this location.

This movie was so low budget that not only was I working as a production assistant, but in one scene I portrayed a police detective searching for clues to a murder on the subway tracks AND a uniformed police officer running along a catwalk to give a message to that detective.

This movie was so low budget that when we shot a close-up of the monster's hands ripping the guts out of someone's stomach, the "guts" were actually left-over Chinese food combined with scraps from a nearby butcher shop.

Yes, left-over Chinese food, because most of the production crew was Chinese. Every day they'd send someone down to Chinatown to get lunch for the cast and crew. And every day I'd run up to the guy as he was about to drive off and beg, "don't forget a plastic fork for me!"

Finally on the fifth day, he looked at me with sympathetic eyes, the way one would naturally view a moron or invalid, and tenderly said to me, "I'm sick of you and the fucking plastic fork! Learn how to use chopsticks or use your hands!" Oddly enough, instead of replying with something clever like, "oh yeah? fuck you!" I said, "okay, then teach me how." And he did. And I did.

And what ever happened to the movie? It played for one week on the bottom of a double bill in some grindhouse on 42nd Street and promptly disappeared. My next film job was as assistant cameraman on a hardcore porn called "Rollerbabies," a vague satire of the popular film "Rollerball" with James Caan. The producers of Devil's Express asked me to hook them up with the director of Rollerbabies, which I did, but I heard that the director was reportedly busted on his next film (which was supposed to combine hard core porn with punk rock music) for using under-age "talent."

Okay, maybe not the best post ever, but certainly more interesting than "I went to some restaurant and the waiter showed me how to use them," no?

UPDATED: I'm in great debt to Asia Pundit who somehow managed to find the poster for Devil's Express online. (Yeah, I know, there's this thing called goggle or giggle or something.) The movie does not explain how the monster could be the same size as a human female and still manage to grab an entire subway car in his hand, unless he had this thing about carrying toys around while killing people, which he didn't.

Since I can't sleep yet, will share the answer to a question that I'm often asked in real life: How did I come to be called Spike?

Of course, there are lots of famous Spikes already. Jones, Jonze, Milligan, Lee and, apparently, a gay porn star. But I did not adopt the name in admiration of any of these. It was given to me.

About 17 years ago, I started my first corporate IT job. I was working in the New York office of a British bank. As it happens, I got along with the Brits better than "my fellow Americans." My boss, a Brit, paid me what was probably the ultimate compliment when she said she decided that I must have some British blood flowing through my veins. In this bank, the Americans were uptight and stodgy. I suppose they thought that's how one was supposed to behave when working for Brits. But the Brits were all loose and fun. They liked me because I knew what to most Americans were obscure British comedy and music acts. I could recite Peter Cook & Dudley Moore routines with them and knew (and still know) the lyrics to almost every song by the Bonzo Dog Band. So the Brits loved me and "protected" me from the Americans and arranged lots of extended working trips for me in London.

I came to work every day in a three piece suit, tie and suspenders (or braces, if you will). I wore sneakers (or trainers) to work and changed into dress shoes at my desk, though some mornings I'd forget and keep the sneakers on the entire day. My hair reached about halfway down my back (those were the days) and I wore an earring (and still do).

One day as I passed a VP in the hallway, he said, "how's it going Spike?" I knew he meant it in a derogatory way. And I looked at him and said, "I'm keeping that."

See, just a few months before, I was due for a promotion. But the powers that be said that my boss couldn't do my annual review because I was in New York and she was based in London. Someone local had to do my review. And it was handed over to this same VP. He called me into his office for the review and here is what he said:

"They tell me that you're due for a promotion. Looking at your record, I can see you deserve it. But I'm not going to give it to you. And I'll tell you why. I've been a VP here for ten years. No one looks at me. My job is safe. But you, you're weird. And if I promote you, people will start asking, ' who promoted that weirdo?' And then they'll look at me. I don't want them looking at me. So I'm not promoting you."

Now, while I have chosen not to make political or human compromises to further my career, I don't disrespect those people who choose to do so themselves. I understand their reasons. And so it was that in my remaining year at that bank, I actually got to be friends with the fat fuck who refused to promote me and who thought he was insulting me when he called me "Spike." Because, aside from that one thing, he was actually an okay guy, funny at times, and usually bought the first round. Sure, I wanted to hate him. But somehow I could never quite get myself to do so.

I'm the urban spaceman baby, I've got speed
I've got everything I need
I'm the urban spaceman baby, I can fly
I'm a supersonic guy

I don't need pleasure
I don't feel pain
If you were to knock me down
I'd just get up again
I'm the urban spaceman babe and
I'm making out
I'm all about

I wake up every morning
with a smile upon my face
My natural exuberance
spills out all over the place
I'm the urban spaceman
I'm intelligent and clean
Know what I mean?

I'm the urban spaceman, as a lover second to none
It's a lot of fun

I never let my friends down
I've never made a boob
I'm a glossy magazine
an advert in the tube
I'm the urban spaceman babe, but here comes the twist
I don't exist

Just not in a good mood this entire trip.

I've been traveling to Manila on a regular basis for about 10 years, averaging 3 or 4 trips per year here, most trips just 3 to 5 days. I wouldn't position myself as an expert on life here in any way.

But in all this time, I can't say that I've seen any substantial improvement in quality of life. The little things visible to a tourist like myself. Like how the Starbucks across from the hotel has a uniformed guard with a pistol at the door. How every shopping mall has separate entry lines for men and women so that you can be scanned with a metal detector and frisked if deemed necessary. How cars coming to this hotel have to stop in the driveway so that guards can check the trunk and underneath the car for bombs; once you reach the front door you are checked with a metal detector and there's a guard with a bomb-sniffing dog.

(Those who work in my company's office here would probably be the first to disagree with me. They say the economy is improving, the peso is getting stronger again, they are feeling optimistic.)

Life in the Philippines seems to be steeped with little indignities that are ignored because they have become so much a part of every day life here.

I find myself contrasting this place with Thailand. There are so many commonalities:

* Southeast Asian country with tropical climate and world famous beaches
* Countries with tremendous natural resources yet sometimes shocking levels of poverty
* Prostitution prevalent in a variety of forms and formats
* Corruption at (possibly) all levels of government
* Pollution
* Muslim extremists in the south
* A single dominant religion that plays a huge role in peoples' daily lives
* Thailand is the "land of smiles"; Filipinos were recently named the happiest people in Asia in a regional poll

And probably a whole lot more. But the violent crime rate in the Philippines seems to be significantly higher than that in Thailand. Poverty is more widespread (or perhaps just more visible) in the Philippines. And I would also guess that Thailand attracts far more foreign investment, despite more restrictive laws regarding foreign ownership of businesses and land.

The biggest superficial difference between Thailand and the Philippines is that the former is Buddhist, the latter Catholic, and one can choose to weigh that as one desires. (And don't get me started on Thai cuisine vs. Filipino cuisine.)

But I think that if one was to study more closely, the essential difference is this:

The Philippines was colonized at various times by various western countries. Thailand managed to evade that and remained independent in the modern era.

Could it be that the problems of the Philippines are the result of 500 years of western imperialism? One certainly can't go back in time and change that (at least not yet). But what can one do to make a difference going forward?

It's 3 in the morning and there's noise in the hallway. The guy across the hall from me just had a hooker delivered to his room. He's standing in the hallway in his bathrobe and socks talking to two girls. One says, "okay, take care of my friend" and heads back downstairs. The temptation was momentarily there to open the door and latch onto the one he didn't pick. But tonight my heart (let alone other parts of my body) is just not in it.

Oh, and if you go to the Greenhills Shopping Mall, bring your video iPod along. You can have new movies loaded onto your iPod for 35 pesos (US 70 cents) each.

(IMHO, when someone makes a hundred bucks a month, I don't care about them buying pirate movies; they are never gonna spring for the real thing anyway. But when someone can afford the real stuff and buys the pirate stuff instead, I just don't understand that.)

Well, this is growing increasingly disjointed. There was more that I was going to write but I'm fading.

First I'll mention that Chinabounder, the individual or group behind the Sex and Shanghai blog, is back, pissed off about a recent event in China apparently enough to not only have a new post but to have all his old stuff back online as well.

Next, I probably shouldn't mention this but I attended an advance screening of 300 today. I'm not going to review the film except to say that if you're a fan of the work of Frank Miller and/or Sin City, you will be quite pleased with this one. And that after watching it, my next stop was a bookstore where I bought both the original graphic novel and also "300: The Art of the Film."

Last, a very long article in the NY Times that I've read through twice and plan to archive, Unhappy Meals, written by Michael Pollan, author of the book The Omnivore's Dilemma. If you choose to believe what he writes (and it makes sense to me), this will completely upset your convictions about diets, nutrition and "nutritional supplements."

Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.

That, more or less, is the short answer to the supposedly incredibly complicated and confusing question of what we humans should eat in order to be maximally healthy. I hate to give away the game right here at the beginning of a long essay, and I confess that I’m tempted to complicate matters in the interest of keeping things going for a few thousand more words. I’ll try to resist but will go ahead and add a couple more details to flesh out the advice. Like: A little meat won’t kill you, though it’s better approached as a side dish than as a main. And you’re much better off eating whole fresh foods than processed food products. That’s what I mean by the recommendation to eat “food.” Once, food was all you could eat, but today there are lots of other edible foodlike substances in the supermarket. These novel products of food science often come in packages festooned with health claims, which brings me to a related rule of thumb: if you’re concerned about your health, you should probably avoid food products that make health claims. Why? Because a health claim on a food product is a good indication that it’s not really food, and food is what you want to eat.

The article concludes with 9 rules for what to eat. Again, looks very logical to me. In a somewhat truncated form:

1. Eat food. Though in our current state of confusion, this is much easier said than done. So try this: Don’t eat anything your great-great-grandmother wouldn’t recognize as food.

2. Avoid even those food products that come bearing health claims. They’re apt to be heavily processed, and the claims are often dubious at best.

3. Especially avoid food products containing ingredients that are a) unfamiliar, b) unpronounceable c) more than five in number — or that contain high-fructose corn syrup.

4. Get out of the supermarket whenever possible.

5. Pay more, eat less.

6. Eat mostly plants, especially leaves.

7. Eat more like the French. Or the Japanese. Or the Italians. Or the Greeks. Confounding factors aside, people who eat according to the rules of a traditional food culture are generally healthier than we are.

8. Cook. And if you can, plant a garden.

9. Eat like an omnivore. Try to add new species, not just new foods, to your diet.

Which has me thinking ... when that organic supermarket opened in Central recently, a few bloggers had a jolly time making fun of the place. But after reading the entire article (and, admittedly not having visited this shop yet), it makes me wonder if the shop has the right idea and the bloggers are, gulp, wrong?

While I have mixed feelings about Louis CK's HBO sitcom, I did quite enjoy his recent stand-up special. Not over-the-top hysterical, but fun nonetheless. Relevant example:

People from other countries eat weird food man. I was in Chinatown and you know where the groceries - I know that's not another country but you know - you know the grocery stores in Chinatown, they're for the Chinese people, they eat their actual food and, uh, I was in one of those and they had duck vaginas. I swear to god, a huge barrel of fucking duck vaginas. With a scoop stuck in it. And I'm standing there just staring at this fucking huge thing and I'm thinking, can we possibly dominate a species more than that? Then that we're selling their vaginas in a fucking barrel? Fucking ducks are just like, "Dudes! Jesus! You won the war, take it easy, you don't have to sell our vaginas." I didn't get any because I don't want to know. What if I loved duck vaginas? I don't want to find out. It's not like millions of things taste like a fucking duck vagina.

So last night, really excellent dinner at Curry Pot in Wanchai. T agreed with me that they are miles better than JoJo. The Bengali fish curry had me licking the pot.

On leaving, we bump into some friends in Maya. But we don't recognize any of the staff. I ask someone who appears to be the manager and he tells me that the place has been under new owners for three days and their first move was to fire the existing staff and bring in all new staff (which makes about zero sense to me).

Klong has also re-opened under new ownership already. Didn't stop in but was told that their first move was to increase their drink prices. This makes a lot of sense. People no longer go there. The landlord jacked up the rent. Attract a bigger crowd with higher prices? Can I have some of whatever drugs the new owners are taking?

Back home, trying out the new HD set-up. Corpse Bride on Blu-Ray disc at 1080p looks astonishing. So does Ridge Racer 7.

Then lying in bed, lights out, one of those late night conversations we only have once in awhile.

As a joke, I tell T that I don't think it's fair that she would do three-ways when she was working but won't do them with me. She says that if she does that, it would feel like she was working, not enjoying. I told her that it would feel less like cheating to me if she was there for the event and she said if that's the case perhaps she might try it.

This led into her giving me a long list of seemingly all the three- (and four- and five-) ways she's done, especially the girls she's partnered with most frequently. She mentioned that she used to partner with a ladyboy in Singapore and also a Filipino who works out of Neptunes (who I know but don't "know").

I shared some stories of three-ways I'd done and told her I'd never been with more than two girls at one time. She said she thought it was "too busy" that way.

Then I said, "Look, I know this is a terrible question, you don't have to answer if you don't want to. Did you ever partner with your sister?" She paused for a moment and then said only one time.

That seemed to really open the floodgates as she started volunteering some of the more bizarre info. I mean, I know she was doing this for a long time and has been with a lotta guys and done a lotta strange shit, but I've never really asked her about it.

So there was the guy who paid her and another girl to pee on his face while he jerked off. I told her that was called "golden shower" and she laughed at the name. I asked her if she ever shat on someone and maybe not exactly on him but something about her and another girl being with some guy who paid them to both take a dump and then he stared at it while masturbating. I could never take a dump on demand - some years it's a problem during my annual physical when they hand me that little jar and that little plastic spoon.

And then tales of Japanese into bondage and s&m. She mentioned stuff about being tied up, hung up, stretched. I didn't ask for further details on any of that. She said that it was just for money and that for money she was basically willing to do anything, whatever anyone asked, and without thinking too much about it.

With all of this information given out, what did she want to know about from me? Showers. Regular, washing up showers. Do Filipino hookers take showers before sex? Well, some do, some don't. And me? I tell her I think that if I'm going to ask some girl to go down on me, once she gets there it's only fair that it should be clean.

The whole thing started to make me feel depressingly normal. Oh sure, I've been with more women than you can shake a stick at (no pun intended) but there's so much I haven't done, things I know other people do but I've never tried. And perhaps in the future, in the few remaining days and years left to me, I should be trying some of this shit out.

On the flight today, about halfway into the flight, get up to use the toilet. I check the door carefully, see the green "vacant" sign and open the door. To find a not unattractive Filipino lady sitting on the throne. Of course she hastily closed the door. Through the door I yelled "sorry" and then "you should lock the door!" A stewardess (or as George Carlin calls them, "the lady on the plane") said, "are you scolding one of my passengers?" and laughed. I was going to tell her that someone should tell the airlines that since they think we need to be instructed on how to use a freaking seatbelt, maybe they should add a line or two about locking doors to the safety lecture.

Then there was the guy sitting next to me who tried to climb over me to get to his seat, rather than waiting two seconds for me to get up and give him room to pass. Upon approach to Manila, Mr. Impatient switched on his cellphone as soon as the pilot lowered the landing gear. Now I don't seriously believe that this would have caused us to suddenly go into a tailspin and crash. But would waiting an extra two minutes until we were on the ground have made any kind of serious difference to him?

It would be nice if there was a coup attempt while I'm here, something a little unusual to liven things up ...

Back in HK for just two nights.

First, see this picture:

This picture is not some fat tourist on a beach in Phuket with his Thai hooker du jour. The blob on the left is Richie Sambora, 47 year old guitarist for hair pop band Bon Jovi. He was married to Heather Locklear and dated Cher before she was a member of the AARP. The tasty totty on the right is 36 year old actress Denise Richards, formerly married to Charlie Sheen. She does not need money, she should have plenty on her own. Which means that she actually likes this lobster. Which gives hope to millions of men like me around the world.

Hope of a different sort arrives via this article from the NY Times:

In a grim and powerful assessment of the future of the planet, the leading international network of climate scientists has concluded for the first time that global warming is “unequivocal” and that human activity is the main driver, “very likely” causing most of the rise in temperatures since 1950.

The Bush administration, which until recently avoided directly accepting that humans were warming the planet in potentially harmful ways, embraced the findings, which had been approved by representatives from the United States and 112 other countries on Thursday night.

I'm sure it's just a matter of days before that wacko gets a letter in the SCMP explaining why everyone else in the world is wrong and why he and the oil companies are right.

The above is not the top story for our SCMP, which on Friday thought that the fact that Kim Il-Jong's son was in Macau was the most urgent news of the day. However, it is an environmentally related story:

The mangrove forests of Shenzhen are dying because of rapid urbanisation, industrial pollution and invasion by alien species, according to a city government report.

Experts warn Hong Kong's internationally important Mai Po wetland, just a stone's throw away across Deep Bay, could be under threat if mainland authorities do not take immediate action.

Then, for those who have thought that there was a chance that Donald Tsang might be redeemable, that this disasterous selfish pompous egotistical nightmare might somehow be good for Hong Kong, there was this in the South China Morning Post, detailing how there is no depth too low for him to sink.

Chief Executive Donald Tsang Yam-kuen yesterday snubbed pan-democratic electors during a question-and-answer session, leaving them standing for 60 minutes with their hands raised while he answered others' questions.

As for me, happy to be home for a couple of days. The new HD TV should be arriving this afternoon. Happily, I snagged an armful of Blu-Ray and HD DVDs from my company in Japan and have more due from corporate HQ this week, so no shortage of stuff to try out on it.

The "absence makes the heart grow fonder" maxim seems to have worked to some extent for me. There was just one tiny bit of weirdness that may or may not mean trouble down the line.

But tomorrow I am on a plane again; three nights in Manila. Definitely dinner one night at Cafe Havana in Greenbelt 3, any other restaurant recommendations?

From Variety:

Hong Kong is to get its first IMAX cinema. New screen will open in June as part of a new six screen multiplex being constructed at the MegaBox shopping and leisure complex in Kowloon Bay.

Cinema will be operated by Lark International, which already runs half a dozen multiplexes in the territory under the UA brand.

First movie on the screen is set to be "Spider Man 3" with "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix" to follow on July 13.

So the Tokyo trip draws to a close. As usual, not enough sashimi, too much sake, too much shopping, not enough women. Yes, I made a little time to go to Akihabara, most of that time spent in the humonguous Yodabashi Akiba shop. (Note: the Logitech MX Revolution mouse, which sells for approx US$125 in Wanchai is selling for US$82 in Tokyo.)

This was the first night I got out on my own after dinner. Headed to Motown House, trying my best to ignore the Africans on the street trying to lead you to various rip-off hostess bars, though one of these guys actually knew me from the days I used to spend more time at Wall Street Bar.

Motown House has not changed. I go there because I generally run into people I know. The music is horrible. An Abba megamix followed by the Grease megamix followed by the Village People. The entertainment, such as it was, was watching these American guys drool over and chase after the Filipino ladyboys freelancing out of the bar. No, I don't enlighten 'em, not my business. And if one of these guys was to take one of these "women" back to his hotel, he probably wouldn't know the difference. Large fake breasts? Check? Huge hands and feet? Check. Deep or husky voice. Check. But, I suppose, they're Asian and .... large fake breasts. What's also entertaining is watching Japanese people come into this bar, seeing the gaijin chase after these obvious transsexuals (and probably in some cases transvestites) and trying to contain their laughter.

(Actually there are a couple of actual women freelancing out of Motown House. One of them I've seen every time I've been there for at least 5 years, maybe longer, and she definitely looks worse for wear each time. But she still turns up and I assume she's still finding a reason not to switch to a different spot.)

Couple of beers, no one I know shows up. I exit the bar and am instantly surrounded by more Africans and one very persistent mainland Chinese girl who tells me I'll sleep better if she gives me a massage. As I break away from the pack, one of the African guys calls after me, "you don't want blow job tonight?" "Not from you, thanks!"

Then, that rarity, a taxi driver who could speak a little English. Chatty, but at first he was pointing at his GPS and asking me if I wanted to "defuse," no idea. Polite, he told me my Japanese was excellent. Yes, my Japanese is excellent for a two year old, perhaps. As we neared the hotel, he reminded me to check the seat, make sure I had my phone and my passport with me.

No, I'm not complaining. This is 2007 and many taxis still refuse to pick up foreigners. So when I get a taxi driver who's actually friendly and talkative, it's a nice surprise.

Tomorrow ... two hours on a bus, two hours waiting at the airport, 5 hours on the plane. So glad that I live in HK and not Tokyo, but I do always enjoy my visits here to at least some small extent.

One reason this has been a stressful week for me is that yesterday was the last day in the company for someone who has been with this company for 30 years and who has been my mentor (and very frequently my protector) for my five and a half years with this company.

He's someone who knows every detail of a multi-billion dollar business and, most importantly, someone who would always say what he was thinking and unafraid to say "fuck you" to his boss's boss's boss when he felt he was right. (This is no exaggeration, "fuck" is his most frequently used word, in and out of the boardroom.)

We hit it off on a personal basis from the day he interviewed me for this job. I believe that to this day, there are people in the company who remain amazed that someone at his lofty level would choose to associate so closely with me, someone so deep in the trenches and so far from home. But I believe he valued my opinion and saw me as one of the few people in the company who "got it," who understood what needed to be done and then went out and got it done one way or another. I knew he was incredibly demanding and I made it a personal priority to know the answer to any question he might ask me before he could ask it.

I knew this was coming. He had called me awhile ago to warn me. He asked me to not start looking for another job yet, to be patient and that some of the changes that I'm hoping to see in the company will come soon. However, at this point my biggest hope is that he will be working someplace else soon and that he will give me a call once he's there.

With that in mind, dinner with two business associates last night at a new restaurant in Roppongi called "Roc Mon" (6 gates). Some sashimi, some yakitori, some champagne and a shitload of sake. Our waitress was quite cute and I tried my best but she didn't speak any English and probably thought I was insane.

As a matter of fact, a lot of people in my company think I'm insane. I work for a company that values style over substance. I was talking with this person who is leaving today, mentioning how I've managed to establish a friendship with a very senior executive in our region. I told him how this guy, who is Japanese, confessed that for the first year or two that we worked together he didn't like me at all, but now he considers me a friend and is glad I'm still with the company (actually I'll be going out with this person tonight and fully expect we will get wasted). He said, "When that guy first met you, he must have thought you were from another fucking planet."

I'm blowing off most of today, going to do a little shopping and resting up before joining this senior VP for what I suspect will be a mostly liquid dinner tonight. Tomorrow back to HK for two days before heading to Manila.

Did ya miss the Clapton show a couple of weeks back? Or were you there and want to relive a not-bad concert? Download it from here.

Note it's an audience recording, so the sound is far from perfect, though as "audies" go, it's not that bad. Just think of it as replicating the shitty acoustics at the Asiaworld Warehouse Arena.